The Glimmer Falls Gazette - July 2022
Dear reader,
It’s time for July’s installment of The Glimmer Falls Gazette, a monthly publication from the small town A WITCH’S GUIDE TO FAKE DATING A DEMON is set in! Yes, in August. There is a VERY GOOD EXPLANATION for the delay that you will see below.
In this edition:
-A time vortex!
-Heat waves!
-Bloody good drinks (literally)!
-The author infiltrates her own universe!
Read on for the good gossip…
Text for screen readers:
The Glimmer Falls Gazette. Issue 7, July 2022.
In This Issue side headlines: Time Vortex? Heat Wave. NecroNomNomNoms. Ask Sphinxie.
First page: [Image of a young boy running through sprinklers on a hot day]
Time Vortex? by Ransom Thibodeaux.
Imagine this staff writer's shock when he woke up one day and discovered it was August, and no July edition of the paper had been sent! After consulting with the staff oracle, we've concluded the Glimmer Falls Gazette was the victim of a roving Time Vortex. While days passed normally outside, within our offices we were trapped in an eternal summer, unmarked by days, weeks, or publishing deadlines..
Heat Wave. by Zawadi Cheboi.
Whewww this July is (was??) a scorcher! The Pacific Northwest was hit by a heat wave that sent temperatures as high as the 100s. Great news for the fire sprites, who normally resort to arson after the long winter months (yes, everyone knows it was you, FRANK). Bad news for everyone else. While the fire sprites danced on the simmering blacktop, the frost fairies thankfully opened their bespelled ice manor to the public. A mysterious benefactor provided popsicles, too!
Second Page: [Image of bright red liquid being poured from a glass skull decanter into a wine glass]
NecroNomNomNoms by Artemis Crumpet.
After the flagship restaurant catering to creatures of the night met with resounding success in neighboring Griffin's Nest, a second location is opening in Glimmer Falls! NecroNomNomNoms provides bloody good food and drink (emphasis on the bloody) and is open 24/7 to accommodate fanged creatures both diurnal and nocturnal. There are also a few non-blood-based offerings. Some of the staff are human, but please be aware they are NOT on the menu. Blood is on tap from donors of various vintages, so no need to stick your fangs in anyone (unless they consent).
Ask Sphinxie.
Dear Sphinxie,
I’m a romance novelist, and I’ve been working on a few initiatives on social media and email to promote my upcoming fantasy rom-com, A WITCH’S GUIDE TO FAKE DATING A DEMON. One such thing is a monthly newsletter. Imagine my horror when August rolled around and I hadn’t sent my July newsletter yet. Is it unforgivable to send it late??
-Sorry Author Regrets August Hype
Dear SARAH,
Your book sounds lovely, and I hope everyone buys it. I'm sure you are very beautiful and talented, timeliness issues aside, and August Hype is acceptable in this oracle's eyes, but may I recommend a rare, mystical tool known as a "calendar" to assist you in future promotional endeavors?