The Glimmer Falls Gazette - May 2022
Dear reader,
Welcome to May’s installment of The Glimmer Falls Gazette! This monthly publication details the goings-on in the small town A WITCH’S GUIDE TO FAKE-DATING A DEMON is set in. In this edition:
-Support nurse unions! (wait, not like THAT)
-Monster maypole!
-Octopus shifter popstars!
Read on for the good gossip…
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Text for screen readers:
Side headlines: Nurse Appreciation! All Around the Maypole. It’s Gonna Be May. Ask Sphinxie.
First page: [Image of a maypole with colorful ribbons]
Nurse Appreciation. by Ransom Thibodeaux.
May brings National Nurses Week! Know a nurse? Let them know how valued they are! Support their union efforts! Bring them food and offerings! (Though after last year's offering from local occultists, well-meaning as it was, The Glimmer Falls Nurses Association reminds you that nurses will be morally obligated to intervene in any virgin sacrifices.)
All Around the Maypole. by Zawadi Cheboi.
Stop by the town square for the infamous Maypole! It used to only be the famous Maypole, but ever since dance hours were extended for an adults-only "After Dark" event hosted by the Eldritch Abomination Elegance pole studio, it's been a topic of much discussion.
At 10am you’ll find families wholesomely twirling among the ribbons. By midnight, you'll have learned more about monster anatomy than you ever dreamed.
Second Page: [Image of a blue octopus with a microphone Photoshopped in front of it]
It’s Gonna Be May. by Artemis Crumpet.
May ought to be the favorite month of pop group N'Ink, a group of octopus shifters whose watery warbles have made them international superstars (and by that I mean no one outside of Glimmer Falls has heard of them except for, inexplicably, a group of superfans in Gibraltar).
Lead singer Dustin Limberlake groans when I ask him about his favorite month. “How many times must people make the same ‘it’s gonna be May’ joke?” he asks. “We have an extensive discography full of other lyrics, folks!”
Wow! These octopodes might prefer freshwater, but they can sure get salty!
Ask Sphinxie.
Dear Sphinxie,
Spring has sprung, and everyone's obsessed with the birds and the bees (metaphorical). All my friends are twitterpated, but I've been single for a long time, and it's hard when there's so much love in the air. How can this grumpy singleton learn to enjoy the romantic season? Am I doomed to be alone?
-Where Are Any Available Hotties?
Dear WAAAH,
Even single people have a constant companion, one that can be glimpsed in lakes and mirrors. We often neglect to treat this person with the love and care they deserve. This spring, romance that hottie. Light candles. Buy flowers. Face the mirror and tell them they're beautiful.
One can be alone without being lonely.